“Some of us have walked this way before & will walk this way again; we will always seek out and find our true kin, our ‘family’ to walk with them time & time again”

“Thaddaeus was the female apostle of Malak; a part of the very first council. She has a Craft/energy line that continues on this earthly plane to this very day…..”

From the moment I first set eyes on him, when our eyes briefly met as he passed by and our gazes melded, I knew then that he was special. I had no doubt in my mind that he was everything that those whom knew him said he was, but little did I know at that time just how close we would become and of how our lives would forever remain entwined.

That deep connection was confirmed when I was asked to become part of his carefully chosen circle.  He had come down from on high after being on his own for prayer and solitude. His choice was made for those he wished as his apostles; his ambassadors in the physical world and I was to be one of those whom he would teach and share the truths with. I in my turn would protect him and continue teaching his truths long after this existence in his earthly body was no more. He taught me the truths of time and of creation; of the reason for his own existence and I knew that if the patterns of the universe were to exist, then our energies would once again meet in the future, recognize and know each other. I thus became his messenger; an ambassador of his teachings whilst out in the world and eventually and with great honour, I received the ‘K.e.y to the Kingdom’.

Had I know him as child? Some say I was related, a cousin; my mother and his mother the virgin, being cousins and so we may have played together as children, maybe if so then destiny was forged right then and there and a path laid out for me. But what is kin? For I was later to learn it was far more than an earthly connection. I eventually gave up everything that I knew in order to follow him and to learn his teachings of the truths, becoming one of the chosen ones; his bonded ones. He walked within the world of men, seen by many yet truly known by only a very few, as to whom he really was and the true origins of his birth. And so I was at his side, patiently learning and always thirsting for knowledge and willing to share, until the very end of that particular earthly stage. As one always eager for his words and teachings, i was to sup from the chalice of life at his table as he shared his blood, as he shared his life and I knew my body and heart would never hunger because of it. With my brother Simon I was there to the very end of that earthly phase.

It seems I took upon myself the courage to ask him why he did not manifest himself to the whole world, to which he replied to me that if anyone loves me he will keep his word and my father will love him, and we will come to him and make our abode with him. He who does not love me will not keep my words which sadly always proved to be so true. As always the teachings of the truths and why he was here among us were built upon a strong foundation of love and trust; a love and trust which went both ways.

I was always very wary of those who would claim to preach in His name, for they knew nothing of the universe and lead others astray, yet they fooled me not and I knew that time would reveal all; all the false prophets would be doomed and destroyed. Likewise though within the realms of Angels too I knew that there were those that did not keep their word and sought that which was forbidden to them, seeking the way of strange flesh which should not be their way at all and I knew this would be their undoing and they too would be held in darkness until the day of judgement came. To live in truth we must all be filled with wisdom and not as an empty cloud filled not with rain or a late autumn tree devoid of fruit. I knew the future to come, I saw it clearly and knew the fruit was due to fall from the trees leaving them barren.

Some say I was a martyr, had a courageous heart and yet I was only doing that which I had been taught to do; that which was now bound also within my own heart.  I was taught the truths of the earthly plain by him and of that which had bought him from worlds afar to these fertile lands; he spoke of his own world across the universe and his own origins of which I knew he shared with so few. Yet after all this time the truths of the world still go unheard across time and space and across the very plains of physical existence. He bestowed upon me, together with the other apostles, the other chosen ones, the flame of the Holy Spirit; we drank from the chalice of life with him and thus the divine light was forever to blaze above my head.

I was always to stand by his side, albeit often in the shadows at the edge of the group and often unnoticed by society; for that was my way, yet all his words became a complete part of me and a part of who I was to become. He led the Way and I in time became the Way also. I was close by his side on so many occasions, some written down while others not so and I witnessed him heal the sick on many occasions, guide the misfortunate ones and bestow the teachings of truth upon others. I even saw him occasionally despair at the thoughtless actions of mankind and make his feelings well and truly known, but maybe it was only those of us truly close to him that really knew how he felt.

I loved to be by myself to write down my words; the words that came straight from my heart for I knew that in a future time there would be those who would come along and read my words and would understand. I wrote my words for them. To this day many of my words still remain a mystery, my gospel truths unseen, hidden within time and attributed to others or simply disregarded, yet I know in my heart that those who find them will read and truly know.

Many writers and scholars have confused me, maybe on purpose especially the gospel writers, with Judas, not the Iscariot one I hasten to add, and with Lebbaeus and Jude also and at times they seem unsure of whom my parents and siblings were but does that really matter? One must ask what’s in a name and for what deeper reason did the scriptures appear confused; were they concealing something on purpose? For we must always dig deep to find that which we seek. I in my heart know of the truth of whom I am and why the truth has been hidden and diluted for so long within the world of men. Many usually great and renowned artists too, have been content to see me forever as a man and that is fine, for those who know me, thus know me as I truly am and it is forever the word of the truths that I have been trusted with that are important and not the teller.

At times I was greatly challenged because of who I really was, yet in time the people began to see me differently, honoured me and came to me. My challenges often gave rise to me being perceived as a martyr, though I was always following my heart and the heart of he who had chosen me and to whom I had freely relinquished my soul. I wish not for the populace to worship or venerate me, for I only wished for them to listen to the true words and to find The Way for themselves and to be awakened from the everlasting darkness of lies in which they reside and see the true beauty of the Light.

My journey was always one of forever seeking knowledge and I always had a hundred questions to ask. I needed to understand fully why some can ‘see’ while others can not and in time my knowledge expanded and the answers became clear to me. I further asked of him how it was that he manifested himself to us and not unto the world at large. But all things happen in time and with love, and time is not always the right time so we held our understandings within, until a time to come in the future allowed us all to stand together upon the shores of time once more.

Life after he was no longer within the physical earthy realms was taken up with sharing the truths of his teachings and with spreading his Word. His Divine Spirit and influence were always with me; that part of him never, ever left me and in that knowledge came great courage and great strength. I preached his truths all over the world that was then known to me; Judea, Samaria, Idumaea, Syria, Mesopotamia and Libya to name but a few and it is written that I took the Word of his teachings to Armenia.  Did I end up as a martyr with my brother Simon in Persia as the scriptures state or is my tale still unfolding? But what is certain is that a ‘Jude’ and a ‘Simon’ are to this day venerated together on October 28th, both dying together as martyrs in the eyes of the world. For this date is indeed a time of endings and beginnings and hides a tale of rebirth.

There is much confusion as to my earthly remains and as I said previously what’s in a name, so then by the same token, what is in the importance of my earthly remains or anyone’s for that matter, for it is within the wisdom of the teachings I shared and in the love in my heart that I wish to be remembered. For He that has taught and guided me; it is His truth and it is His beauty that will be forever bound within my breast like a bright shinning star upon the black waters of creation. For He that was then shall be again and those that were by His side shall rise again within the realms of time and so shall a telling be complete and our place among the stars once more affirmed. A cycle will complete within the land of time and prophecies told will come to be for those who walk The Way.

Thaddaeus as told to Su.endal 2012

Chalice 2